mental meltdown

it's tuesday and ive never seen the week go by so fast.

im scared. like literally.
my heart's racing and pounding and im not sure how im gonna get through all of this.
on sunday i broke down. at cheer in front of everyone.
embarrassing, i know.
call me anal,
but i need everything to be perfect.

things are finally looking up.
cheer is going somewhat better. well except for the fact that i cant do a toe touch basket toss.
and pom's finally finished the routine. so
all we need is to drill it over and over again,
im cant be too sure of the consistency.
and that scares me so much.
it's one thing to get on the mat and see everyone scream and shout and you cant hear
anything cause you've gone deaf for a split second and all you hear is your heart pounding,
it's another thing when the music starts and you know you gotta keep going without mistake.
practice makes perfect.
and i havent had much practice hence why i think perfect might be impossible.

ive had such a rough couple of days,
dance trainings 8 hours a week. cheer stunt trainings taking up almost 6-8 hours a week.
and ive had non stop training everyday for both events each day.
and not to mention i have assignments to worry bout.

you know what i need,
i need someone to help pick me up from the ground, because at this point,
i think im close to collapsing for good.

i know these are all unwanted stress
but its something i kind of love doing. i just dont like how it's so disorganized.

xx