so im back on the motherland.
Sometimes i kinda have to slap myself in the morning and ask if this is really happening.
Home doesnt feel like home anymore, cause if home is where the heart is,
my home is far away from me right now.
My heart's aching from being so far away from the one that truly means the most to me right now.
I ask myself countless of times why I decided to stay this long on my trip, and simple enough,
I didnt have him in my life back then when i made my decision.. should i have known, i'd be back sooner than I expected.

Obviously I came back for family obligations.. the last time I was back was a year ago, and quite frankly not much has changed.. the places dont seem that different, the people.. yeah i forgot what the people here were like, rude..uncivilized, lazy..
The amount of times I have to repeat in my head that I'm here for my family, is uncountable.

There are a lot of things i'm afraid of..
The main one being the fact that I'm not sure how much will change when I go back. Uni's going to start,I've got a job with cotton on.. how am I going to find time for him? How's he going to find time for me when he's going to be working full time with one job and as a casual for his other?
it really does scare me.

the rest is more when im here and he's there..
If you know me, you'd know im the most insecure girl you could ever find when in a relationship.
it's not that I dont trust him. I do, not fully but enough. I just dont trust his better judgement about the girls there. He's reassured me countless of times and yet we're still able to burn more fuel in this argument, the same damn argument..why? simply because im scared to death that he's going to find someone better than me and yet even miles away, I still lie awake wondering bout his whereabouts and if he's home safe, what's he doing? who's he with? 
it's a good thing for whatsapp and viber.. and internet services. ahhaha
that's the only way im going to communicate with him for the next 33 days...

because sometimes, what he doesnt know.. wont kill him.
and what doesnt kill me, only makes me stronger. To me, it's a matter of sucking it up, and pretending it'll all be okay. Because I for one, always assume the worst in people and situations..

I'm growing up now and it's something I have to deal with. the changes, the heartbreaks, the patience, the insecurities..sometimes i feel like im growing up way too fast.

such a cutie for sending me to the airport

33 more days till i get to be with you again! <3

new year...new....piercing? ;)

here, something just to entertain you.



or if you simply want something nice to listen to <3

Cause i think i've found the best thing that's going/has/will happen for me this year and 

*cross fingers* for the many years to come. 

I couldnt have asked for someone better who could care for me the way he does.

the best feeling in the world,
is when you hug me from behind when im washing the dishes and you sweep
my hair to one side and you lean down and slowly and gently kiss me on my neck and then my shoulders, and then you just stand there and squeeze me tight and whisper the 3 words you seldom say to me but when you do, they sound AMAZING.

moments like that i feel infinite.
makes me dream and imagine the possibilities of our future together.

your love is king baby, and i swear, you’re my everything.

things i’ve learnt:
the people you used to know arent the same people who you will know in the present or in your near future. people change. Sometimes from the wrong doings you’ve done or sometimes because there were/are just better people other than yourself out there. It’s a lot harder to tell yourself to move on, forget your past, and brace your future. Because truth is, half the people you met and got close to in the past are the reasons for your future whether it's going to turn out great or a an absolute downright fall. I’ve had to deal with my fair share of punishments and demons i had to fight to get to where i am today,

and that is:
A community of good friends, good friends I now know i can trust. Even if they were people i never knew i’d ever be close to. A relationship I wouldnt think twice anymore to abuse. The immensity of the love i feel for this boy makes me realize how valuable one can be to someone, like he is with me and I cant imagine loosing him just yet or ever for that matter.

I’ve never been more proud of my heart,
it’s dealt with a lot of heartbreaks in 2011, a lot of hardships and countless of times that I had to depend on it for my better judgements.. and to think it still beats stronger and maybe a lot wiser than it has been… makes me so much happier because I finally FEEL and know, that I’m not that same girl anymore or at least I dont want to be, that IM growing up.

definitely started the year with a bang!
got drowned amongst the sea of people from fed square to help jess, and cam by photographing D2 Drumline who performed and then walked all the way to docklands with my boy to watch the fireworks. :)

couldnt have asked for a better way to start the 2012 year!

i dont think i've ever followed any of my new year resolutions.. mainly because i forget what they are.
but i have to admit, this year has been one of the hardest years i've had to go through.

but next years resolution:
-score a gpa of 3 and above
-do more freelance design work to get my name out there
-get a new piercing or tattoo
-take up a new sport
-be more active in the gym
-SPEND LESS MONEY
-learn how to save
-keep a healthy relationship with every family member
-maintain the relationship i have right now with the boy im completely and utterly in love with
-be more patient
-keep a stable job
-to be less sick


new year wants:
- a pair of raybans
- more mac products
- the 'return to tiffany and co' ring
- more heels from tony bianco
- the lipstick heels I've been eyeing for almost a month now


here's to a good new year eh?
xx

in the past few days, i've realized a couple of things. How spending time with a few friends you were never close to could change how you felt about them. Im so blessed to have friends who came over to my house last night to bring me porridge and a mixture of apple cider vinegar with honey lemon because i was sick as a dog after working 7 hrs when i was supposedly meant to wok only 4 and 3 hrs the day before that.

 

How someone (other than my parents) could make me feel so loved. I never thought i'd find someone who truly cares for me like the dude down below. His name is Rav :) and whenever im with him, he makes me the happiest girl alive.

and that work, is actually quite fun. and it's good in some ways that im getting along pretty well with everyone and doing the job well, cause i seem to be getting more shifts. which means more money. which is always good. It would be better if i wasnt so sick, but beggars cant be choosers eh?


till then. <3

STEREOSONICS

stereosonics, was one word... AWESOME.

despite how it left me feeling super exhausted and dehydrated, it was definitely a good experience in melbourne.
having seen, ppl like bag raiders, grant smilie and rudy, benny benassi, AVICII , LMFAO and afrojack.. SO WORTH everything!

best day of 2011 man! 

I NEED WORK TO START ASAP.
WHY?

cause my friday and saturday nights always end up like this eventually...
friday,
i headed to viva to watch my friend jyethe spin.. he's a dj but it was his first gig. but didnt get to stay that long cause i headed off to neverland for the foam party with quin,julia and tracee and then joined later on by jordan, but apparently he was amazingly good! so proud! I should be able to find some pictures on the official night.

fullhouseeeee!

 

 

saturday, which photos were right at the top,
was the opening of sub lounge which is on bourke st, right opposite myers and david jones.
good space, horrible music which is why we're so happy to say jyethe, my dj friend is spinning there
next week as the production company im under is taking over by next week! so new venue! whooooh!
EXCITEMENT.

on the plus note,
been doing a couple of freelance work.

and i might just have a job to do posters for a club we're opening. which means more moneeeehhh!
heelyeah.

cant wait!

how was your weekend?

 

it's the smallest things in life that i love.
moments when i get to skype with my best friend/junior all the from kl.
and gossip and act stupid.

times like this i wish i was home. skype doesnt do justice sometimes.

so, my friday night was kinda epic.

epic in a sense where, i would have never expected it to have happened.

matt, as you can see in the picture below, was suppose to stay over friday night cause we both had sandra's birthday to attend at viva. So he came over dropped his things and we got ready and then we headed out. 

halfway through the night i lost him, and i left to go to alumbra and i told him i'd meet him back at my place at 2.45am. and after calling him countless of times to make sure he got in a cab, I got a call from his phone at round 2.55-3am? and turns out it was the police calling and they told me he had collapsed on the way home and the cab driver kinda kicked him out and called the police. Seeing as I was the last received call or dialed number, they called me and thankfully enough quin was dropping me home and I was like literally 2 mins away from where he collapsed which was only 5 minutes away from my house.

After talking with the cops and the ambulance, (whom btw i never knew they could be so friendly) decided to take matt to the nearest hospital because if he came home with me i'd have to watch him over the whole night and truth be told, i was gonna collapse any minute cause i was soo sleepy. But having said that, at around 7am when matt was on the way back to my place, i started having my runs to the toilet to puke out bile and in some cases, blood. 

lawrence, my stepdad, was rather cool bout the whole thing and ended up making us porridge and fed me loads of biscuits and made sure i was okay. which is cool considering i know how most parents would have probably freaked out seeing us both in that condition. I guess it helps when your sister came home drunk once and they had to take care of her. BAHAHAAHHA.

so yes, my friday night was epic.. i think, im gonna lay off alcohol for a bit. would be smart..

how was your weekend?;)

 

 

 

with the birthday girl :)

matt and his pile of puke.

cops: do you have a camera on your phone?

me: yeah i do. why?

cops: you should take a picture of him and show it to him in the morning and make him

owe you big time.

me: BAHAHHA. i should shouldn't i? 

*snap*

11/11/11

SO! WHO WISHED AT 11:11AM TODAY?

dont worry, i missed out on it as well. BAHAHA. there's always 11:11pm!

today, marked two important birthdays to me..
one to my Stepmum, Karen who if many of you malaysians keep up with the running/marathon scene you'll know who she is. :)

another, is to my beloved BFFFF. (technically, she's my sister's best friend but we're close)
so, Lalitha Wemel, thank you for being so tremendously awesome. This girl has the heart of an elephant and is the nicest/funniest/coolest person i know... aside from me. ;) BAHAHAHAH. i joke.

I'm so happy to have been a part of your surprise birthday brunch that Riyana planned for you.
and here's to many many more catch up's and fun times with you, my dear.

have a lovely day people. 

<3